Coming to See You

Mistress Wynter recently posted on her MF board asking how clients would feel about being forced to masturbate at the start of a session and then continuing with intense play. It's an interesting premise. I used to work with a Domme who would always end her session if the client had a premature orgasm. "They're useless after they come," she'd say. I can also appreciate the "Let's get that out of the way" approach. I mean, there are some days that I LOVE orchestrating a man's orgasm and there are other days when it's the last thing I want to see or even concern myself with.

There've been a few times when a client has orgasmed before I was finished playing with him. Sometimes it put a halt to all activities (I've found masochists have a, um, harder time recovering post-climax); sometimes it's this really sweet intermission and an interesting challenge to bring him right back up again. Once or twice, the party just kept on going.

You know. Fluidly.

*snort* I crack myself up sometimes.

Anyway, thinking about pre-scene orgasms made me giggle a bit too. I masturbate before many of my sessions. It's not especially sexy though. Part of the problem is that my studio isn't a live/work space; I have an apartment on the Upper West Side and it takes me at least a half-hour to get to my studio. Invariably, when I have an appointment, I'm busy until the last possible minute I need to get ready. That puts me under the gun and when I get stressed ... well, sometimes the only thing that'll sort me out is to rub one out.

Guys, you know exactly the kind of wank I'm talking about too, yes? That maddening, distracting, insistent twinge that won't go away or let you think about anything else? So when you finally give in, it's almost begrudging. "OKAY!" And then it's like fumbling with a combination lock. "Come ON already!" The release itself isn't even all that pleasurable as much as it is a relief. "Whew. Now I can actually get something DONE!"

Like, you know, get to my studio for our appointment.

So, the next time you're sitting in the Starbucks waiting for me, perhaps it'll be some small consolation to think that somewhere in Manhattan, there's a beautiful woman coming just to see you.

Happy Spring!

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Please Feed the Blogger

One of my Domme friends texted me the other day: "Have you read Bitchy Jones? Are there any dominas out there who are writing like that from the pro-perspective?" (The trained journalist in me demands that I say that was the gist of her text, not a direct quote, despite the marks.)

There have been plenty of times I've wanted to respond to some of Beej's main arguments (conveniently, she's outlined them here), but I thought that to do so would be a little TOO insider-y and self-indulgent. This is, after all, my professional blog and I expect that you come here to get a sense of my personality, interests, and perhaps what my sessions are like.

But, I dunno. Are you at all interested in hearing about my personal philosophies about (pro)domination? What would you like to read more of? Do you enjoy the ruminative topical posts such as the one about Spitzer or the Nutcracker incident? Or should I reserve that kind of writing for a personal blog and mostly stick to tempting morsels where I talk about scenes I've done?

And don't give me the "It's your blog, Mistress, write whatever you want!" That goes without saying. I do. I will. I'm not asking for your permission. I'm asking because I want to know. Really.

So tell me. Thanks.

Why I *heart* MVX

Because she makes blog posts like this:

In which I give back to the community

Sites that Excite Me

Here are a few sites that give me a thrill.

InSex M Yummy men in bondage, often getting hurt.

Device Bondage Makes me wish I knew how to build things

Infernal Restraints Makes me wish men were as lithe and flexible as women

Literotica When I feel the need... the need to read!

Fantasy and Asshattery

Many of you know I participate -- with diminishing pleasure -- on the MaxFisch discussion board. In fact, I hadn't been posting here so much last week because I was busy tending to a very interesting discussion of the role of fantasy in a professional session. There were some rather thoughtful responses to my initial inquiry, particularly from knightwish, MVX, whizzer, and felicia. Worth reading it all, actually.

However, I also found myself in a bit of a heated exchange with another poster on a different thread. After I'd made a particularly snide reply to a poster who was positing that more professional dominatrices "should try nudity in their sessions" because it's so "empowering," I received a private message from an observer tsk tsking me for "losing my cool." This wasn't the first time I've been privately chastised by male participants for being aggressive? scornful? unladylike? on that board.

This is my blog, so I will vent here with snide, scornful, aggressive unladylikeness: Whatthefuck?!?

I am no goddess on a pedestal. I'm a woman. A grown ass woman, even. As a professional service provider dealing with a very specific public, I moderate my reactions constantly despite being frequently presented with statements or inquiries I find deeply offensive. So when I hit that tipping point, I fully reserve the right to call someone an asshat. I am not showing a lack of control when I do so, believe me. My reaction could have been much stronger.

It's really just stunning to me how often men presume to tell me how I should behave, especially when they have no personal relationship with me whatsoever.

When Sadists Scrabble

MVX and I played Scrabble today. It wasn't intentional ... but look how many kink-related words are on the board.

I need to get out more.

(My score by the way? 461)

So about that thing with Spitzer....

For those of you who are interested in the perspective of a high-end escort, there's a pretty interesting Q&A in the NYTimes with one of the Freakonomics guys and a woman named "Allie." I also recommend the links and perspective given on the Sex Workers' blog "Bound Not Gagged." There's also a fairly comprehensive and well-reasoned overview of the affair by Elizabeth Pisani at the Guardian.

As a sex worker myself (it's never sounded odd for me to say that until recently), I've got a lot of thoughts about these events. I don't follow biz/political figures all that much ... at best, I'll go, "Gosh, he looks familiar" as I did the other night when seated in a restaurant near a current? former? AOL? Time Warner? honcho (see what I mean?). I've always maintained that it wasn't my business who my clients are outside of my studio, and I think Googling people is rude anyway ... so it's entirely possible that the King of Prussia comes to see me every week for CBT and bondage and I have no idea.

That Q&A with Allie, linked above, confirmed my theory that a good part of the reason why clients use premium priced escort services is to ensure a level of privacy protection they don't think they'd get at the lower ends of the scale. (A woman/business making a luxury living has less incentive to sell out for short term money, I guess.) I'm pretty sure that "Kristen" knew "Client #9's" real identity -- Spitzer doesn't seem like the type who could keep that secret. Even so, it really sucks that HIS stupidity and carelessness has made fresh hell of her world. The tabloids might crow about how she's raking in the dough but Spitzer's the one with real 'fuck you' money, Kristen's just making hay while the sun shines. Forgive me some presumptions but I suspect a young woman in Kristen's situation -- HS dropout living the high life (in many ways, apparently) as an escort was probably expecting that, should her music career not take off, the pretty woman could translate her rating into actual diamonds on her finger when she was ready to settle down and still continue in the lifestyle to which she'd become accustomed.

****

Around the time that I became an independent Domme, I remember there was a big story about a dominatrix in Ohio whose client had embezzled money from the nonprofit organization that employed him. He's a thief, she's a service provider. Who ends up on the cover of the NYPost? She does. Whose picture did every print/online media outlet run with the story? Hers. He pleaded guilty to stealing $237,000, of which about $11,000 was given to the dominatrix and the rest went to his personal use. If you type the client's name and occupation into Google Images, it's the Domme's picture that comes up.

There are many prospective clients who get all sensitive about revealing personal information to me, implying that they have more to lose than I. Even more galling is when those same folks ask me why I don't show my face -- and they're calling me from a blocked number.

Here's the thing. This is my life. It's what I do. I have invested in my studio with the goal that I will be doing this for a while. I do all I reasonably can to ensure that: from limiting the number of clients I have to setting and keeping certain boundaries of discretion. But what the Spitzer situation, as well as the incident with the Ohio Domme proves, if my client is breaking a law, it doesn't matter how discreet *I* am, how much I'm minding my own business, it's MY partially-concealed face that's gonna be all over the cover of the goddam tabloids.

From my perspective, my clients and I have a vested interest in maintaining each other's privacy. Heretofore, my eye has been largely towards creating a space where my client could feel safe and trust me. These events, however, have made me realize that I should be equally concerned with my own safety, that my clients aren't putting ME at risk with their conduct outside of my studio. I need to take more responsibility about knowing who I'm playing with so that I can make informed choices about playing with high profile clients who have more power than celebrity.

I'll sign a confidentiality agreement to protect his privacy .... but will he sign an agreement not to do anything stupid that's gonna cost me my business?

Totally Off-Topic: Passing Strange

My music geek friend charmed me into going to a Broadway show last Wednesday night. It was a musical. I hate Broadway musicals. Vehemently. But I like my friend, so I said okay.

Calling "Passing Strange" a Broadway musical is kinda like calling me a "dominatrix." It is. I am. But neither label really does us justice. The show is clever, literate, layered. Touching. Surprising. FUNNN! If you play an instrument or you're a music lover who ever wanted to be a musician, then you'll really love it. Critics are raving. Like, a LOT.

Now so am I. Go on. Go.

Inspirations

The delightfully demented Mistress Saskia led me to Occasional Hell's Infernal Device, an incredible site cataloging a variety of historical torture devices. I'm particularly enraptured by the Iron Gag (aka Mute's Bridle), Heretic's Fork, and Chain Whip, to name a few.

I may need to talk with MetalBound. Sigh.

Bondage: A Study in Constriction, Restriction

In case you didn't know, I love bondage. Rope bondage is one of my favorites, especially when I can use a combination of implements and ties to immobilize and/or create predicaments, such as this combination of modified hogtie, anal hook, and bamboo poles:


Leather bondage is huge fun, too.
Somehow it seems that many of the Mistresses I've worked with and/or have admired also happen to be gear collectors so I've become a bit of one myself. My focus has been on leather, fed by my fierce appreciation for the exquisite craftsmanship found at Fetters. Here's Mistress Amanda Wildefyre, another major gear enthusiast (devotees often refer to her as "The Engineer") with a bondage setup we did with my Fetters suspendable sleepsack, strap hood, blindfold, gag, cock sheath with prickers, and goodness knows what else got added in there.

Recently, I was inspired to do a mummification scene. Whence inspiration, you ask? I blush to say that I knew I wanted to do a heavy bondage scene, but given the late hour of the session I didn't want to do anything that'd require massive clean up. So out came the industrial roll of plastic wrap, duct tape, and an inflatable latex hood with gag tube. I wanted him to feel really encased, so I added shoulder length fist mitts underneath the wrap. I also wanted him to feel helplessly tormented, so the ErosTek was attached to his cock. He never knew what'd be coming down that funnel either. Worked out pretty nice.

When new clients express an interest in a bondage session, I'll usually ask if what compels them to bondage play is a desire for constriction or restriction. Constriction is about the sensation of being held, bound. The tightness. Restrictive bondage is driven by restraint, what the bottom cannot do because he's bound. For example, I once had a client who loved being bound in such a way that it was impossible for him to touch his genitals during the scene. I used thin hemp rope to firmly attach his hand to his scrotum: the more he struggled to reach his cock, the tighter his grip on his balls. So close and yet so far.

Whether the goal is constriction or restriction, the end result is the same: you're immobilized and at some point there is nothing you can do but surrender to the bondage. Getting my bondage bottom to that sweet, floating release: YUM!

Above the Clouds

I spent most of the past week skiing in Oregon. I don't get to ski all that often, so when I do it's really treasured. Especially when there are views like this.



I'm somewhere underneath all the headgear. Even on the slopes, I'm an equipment junkie. Ha!
Anyway, all that to say: I'm back in New York City and I'm sitting tight for a bit, so if my travel schedule's been frustrating you of late, now's a good time to make an appointment. If I haven't seen you before, I am currently accepting new clients. This window will close soon. Please see my website for more information on how to request a meeting.

Thanks to the gentleman with the soft hair for making my ski experience possible; and to L., my comrade in sore muscles, oysters, etc.