Wishes

This has been a year full of incredible rewards and intense challenges, both in and out of the "The Scene." More than anything, I want to express my deepest gratitude to those of you who have been part of this crazy year with me, whether you've held my hand, given good counsel, made me smile "that smile," or offered yourself up as inspiration or canvas for my fantasies. That you are even reading this means you've already given me the best gift I could possibly ever wish for.

Nonetheless, a few of you have asked me what I might like for Christmas. While I love the serenity and the opportunity to give thanks at midnight mass on Christmas Eve, I choose not to participate in gift exchange during the holiday season. I do, however, wish you and those you enrich your life a peaceful, loving acknowledgement of what you truly mean to each other and a celebration of another year experienced together.

While Santa may not be visiting this girl who is so very good (at being bad!), I DO, however, eagerly anticipate the celebration of my birthday. (In fact, those close to me know there's a full pass on Christmas, Valentine's, Anniversary -- all that stuff -- if you remember my birthday.)

The big day is January 10. I will be here the week prior (but unavailable Jan 11-13) and strongly encourage indulgence -- especially since I put myself on shopping restriction for my studio for the past several months. Wishlist gifts, it should go without saying, are not required nor expected. Most of you reading this blog have been a part of my life as a dominant for quite some time and I would love to just have a moment to raise a glass to toast and thank you for being part of my very, very wonderful life.

If you are inclined to commemmorate my proud strut into my "late 30s" (I'll be 38!) there's a wishlist over at Amazon that I've recently updated with stuff from the Amazon site as well as other sites thanks to the "universal wishlist" widget. I also made a pretty hot list over at JT's Stockroom. And of course Mr. S has a few things that have made my fingers itch during my kinky shopping chastity...

Nova Light EStim Trip

Ball Gag Muzzle in RUBBER

Electroboard for the cock ***** Leather bondage set, Sz L

(Yes, my HTML coding sucks...)

Anything ordered or mailed, including cards/letters, should be sent to:

Miss Troy Orleans
2753 Broadway #103
New York, NY 10025
(646) 373-2423

Items on a list, of course, are just that, so here are a few comments on each piece on my wishlist so you can get an idea of why it's there.

Mr. S details (above pics/links) :

I've played with a colleague's electroboard recently and have had tremendous fun with it. It's cock bondage AND electrotorment all in one! Given my growing interest in long-term, sensedep bondage, the Nova Light system just seems like a no-brainer (ha! no pun intended!) that I'd love to experiment with. The leather thigh/wrist/waist restraints just look like locking, leather deliciousness to me and I LOVE the comments about how comfortable it is for long term bondage. (I'm thinking those restraints plus my Scott Paul Humiliator Gag System could make for a really fun afternoon....). And the rubber ball gag muzzle is for good gagging and easier cleanup -- plus, who doesn't love a breather/funnel hole!??!

NEW: Just got an email from Mr. S that reads:

From December 31st through Sunday January 11th, we're offering you
15% OFF on the Best gear available! We are ONLY offering this to our valued customers who receive this email - so you MUST enter the Promo Code: NYSALE in order to receive the discount or bring this newsletter into one of our stores.

Some notes on my Amazon list:

The Dungeon Delights spreader bar system has been on my coveted list since I started this blog (see left column, a little down). Metal bondage. Complete rigidity. Ain't a thing wrong with that.
The pillows are for my bed. In my dotage, I'm finding I like the squish and sink of a good down pillow: it'd be like you're sleeping with me! The Mr. S Asylum mask series is SUPER hot to me. I love the coverage without the intimidation of a full hood. My urgentest desire is for the upper half mask (because you know how much I like mouth access), though the full one gives me wood, too. The martini glasses are because ... well, if you've been following me on Twitter, you know how much I've been enjoying my "Bad Decision Martinis" lately and yet I have no martini making gear of my own! (The shaker would be welcome, too.)

JT Stockroom list notes:

While I'm not a full on rubberist -- yet -- I'm really digging rubber hoods lately and love the sense dep and breath control this one offers (in size LARGE, please). Tara Sterling re-awakened my interest in the Spider Gag (with strap, check options), thanks to a photo shoot she did which, of course, now I can't find. Hey. I like open mouths! The wireless remote vibrating egg is there because my other remote vibrating egg is on its last legs and it's a key piece of equipment for me. Hitachi Magic Wand is ... well, because I've never owned "The Cadillac of Vibrators" and I figure it's time. I'm ready. (I think.) The Total Enclosure Hood is there because it's tight, breath restrictive and lockable... and because sometimes I need a hood for smaller heads. (So, size SMALL, please.) The steel fist mitts are to match my steel hood. When I got the hood, I didn't think I was ready for the mitts. Now I am. The Lockable Pump Gag ... does it need explaining? It's an inflatable gag that locks. So juicy. And lastly, the Stockade (don't forget the fucking rod) just is too fucking hot not to want. In MEDIUM please. (I can't say anything else about it here given the sensitive clime ... but use your imagination. Drool.)

Last but not by any means least, if you're the traveling type, I would LOVE LOVE LOVE some frequent flier miles, please. (Especially Delta as well as Jet Blue or American ... but any will work.) If you have miles to spare, please let me know and we can talk about the best way to transfer them to me.

Of course, if you just want to come and play with me for my birthday, I'm always up for that! (Though you'll be taking my birthday spanking!) Really, though, thank you SO much for just being part of my kinky life. I am so grateful, appreciative, and blessed.

Operation: Field Trips ... UPDATE!!!

My sister just wrote me a thank you note that she asked I pass on to all of you who contributed to "OPERATION: FIELD TRIP." You have no idea how happy it made this big sister to hear her little sister's excited voice talk about her plans for her students. Thanks to all of you who contributed. Those who still wish to donate may do so by sending cash, check, or money order to:

Operation: Field Trip
P.O. Box 93973
Atlanta, GA 30377

If you're writing a check or money order, make it payable to: "CIE" and in the memo put "CC Field Trip Fund." I suggest cash be sent with a delivery confirmation.

I cannot begin to tell you how (let me take it back 80’s style) “totally awesome” this year is going to be. After putting into place the concept of "Project: Outdoor Classroom," I thought all summer about ways to best put your donations to use. I came up with a socially conscious theme of caring outside of our own understanding. As a class this year we are going to pen pal with students at the International Community School here in our state. This charter school has been established for the past ten years and its mission is to bring together refugee, immigrant, and native-born children to nurture them in an academic setting. The school brings out their gifts and talents and assists in the healing of the deep physical and spiritual wounds of war. This joining of forces will help bridge the gap between two worlds, promote world knowledge, and create life long friendships.

Our other fieldtrip plans for the year include journeys to the CNN Center, The Fernbank Museum of Nature and Science, the Center for Puppetry Arts, and the Fabulous Fox Theater to see The Alvin Ailey Dance Theatre of Harlem. The end of the year trip has me fired up! I have been fortunate enough to see Alvin Ailey every year for the past 23 years. Of my most recent tours, I can remember wishing that my students had the opportunity to see the talented troupe. With tickets, starting at $17.00 per person that hope was unquestionably out of reach. With the state of Georgia on the cusp of canceling all non-athletic related field trips due to budget cuts, the idea of taking my students to see a dance ensemble is not high on the priority list for the school board. With private funding, I am able to expose my students to the arts, the world, and education all while having a blast!

Your donations are benefiting my students in a way that I could never imagine. The county limits each grade level to two field trips per year, this year, and none next year. With your help, I will be able to take my students on a trip every month. As of right now, the final trip will require that the students pay a portion of their ticket price to Fox Theatre. I am incredibly thankful for all of the scholarships you have provided. My students are in for the year of their lives, and I have you to thank. I will make sure to send pictures and journal entries to keep you posted. On behalf of my students, I want to say thanks for the opportunity to see the world through a new lens.

Yours Truly,
The Open Air Classroom

Sidebar Updates Explained!

While I was traveling, I kept having these little observations or ideas that weren't substantive enough for postcards or blog posts but weren't things I wanted to go unacknowledged, either. (e.g. Rome is covered in graffitti. My favorite tag? "ZEU$")

Consequently, I've decided to join Twitter. You should see my "Tweets" over there to the left. I'm not 100% sure about this little application -- from how it works to how much I'll use it -- but I'm going to try it for a while and I encourage you to follow me. For a NYTimesian perspective on Twitter and "ambient awareness" click here. (I was particularly swayed by the line, "Follow [someone's Twitter posts] for a day, though, and it begins to feel like a short story; follow it for a month, and it’s a novel.")

We'll see. Let me know what you think about Twittering, too.

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I finally got a resy at Ko, thanks to The Headliner's gracious, geeky tenacity. I went with a dear, long time friend who eats and drinks professionally. Our dinner was delicious, though more memorable for the road getting there than for what was served. Or maybe it'd just been too long since I'd seen my friend. While I certainly would go again if given the opportunity or as part of an OE, my free session offer is no longer available.

And, Headliner? I owe you. Big time. Just name it.

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One of the things my vacation made me realize is that ... well, I needed one! In an effort to manage my schedule better, rather than close the door to all new clients, I've decided to implement some additional qualifiers. First, I am not seeing any novices. You must have some professional BDSM experience in order to receive an appointment. While I do get a distinct pleasure out of molding a newbie, I'll be having my fun redefining what a session is for the veteran players for a while. Secondly, for those who have experience whom I have not seen before, you will need to provide me references before I agree to give you an appointment. If you've seen any of my known associates (anyone I've mentioned or linked here or on my website), just her name will do. Otherwise, I want two verifiable contacts so I can find out for sure if you're as promising as your thoughtful, engaging, and responsive introductory email would lead me to believe.

Training Days: Some Background

Because I'm loathe to join Sugasm just to heighten my post count and I really do want to give y'all more stuff to read and respond to (I *LOVE* my commenters!!!!), I've decided to start reposting some of my more defining contributions to The Hang at Max Fisch for further reflection and discussion (esp. since there are quite a few of you who never set foot in the place ... not that I blame you). If you're familiar with my writing over there and there's a particular post of mine that stands out for you, please send me a link so I can consider republishing it here.

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Someone on Max had asked about why there didn't seem to be many independent Dommes training newer Dommes these days. Initially I replied that that was exactly how I came up in the Pro scene, thanks to the time, generosity, and effort of several of the country's well-respected and established professional Dominas. I continue to be influenced by many of them in my practice and still will still seek out their feedback and advice. While the OP seemed to believe that sort of thing no longer goes on, I'm pleased to say that I know several young Dommes who have found mentors and educators from senior members of our professional community. Some folks simply don't need to advertise the fact.

A few posters took issue with the idea that up and coming Dommes needed to be trained by Indies in order to learn anything, that the larger BDSM community was more than capable of teaching them the necessary skills via various public workshops, retreats, and conferences.

This was my reply.

While I have attended a few lifestyle events (Black Rose, Shibaricon (2x)) and workshops (various DSF/TES programs, seminars at Purple Passion, Midori's rope dojo) and I've also done some private consultations with scene pros such as Delano, Scott Smith, Max of Seattle, and others, what I learned there was practically a different universe than what I gained from my apprenticeship and mentoring relationships with active, independent NYC Dommes.

When Domina M started Luxuria, one of the smartest things she did, in my opinion, was to bring in some of the city's most successful and reputable professional female Dominas with proven skills and experience to teach her apprentices. This did a couple of things:

First, we got to see how this stuff really worked in a pro scene, often practicing on active clients (not video hos or houseboys but men who actually pay for sessions with professional Mistresses on a regular basis.). Because I trained mostly on clients, I learned how to play with clients. Men who can't take marks. Who don't have 'leather ass.' Who aren't young or bendy or just willing to endure anything cause they're just so damn happy to have pretty women paying attention to them. I learned how to talk with, negotiate, and understand men who have professional relationships with ProDommes (as opposed to, say, house slaves and personals who have a very different connection to Mistresses). I learned to respect these men who seek our services: what their needs are, what's important to them, what makes them come back. It was market research as much as it was skill development. I can't thank those men enough for their invaluable feedback.

TES and Shibaricon are great and I've learned a lot in those workshops, but I also get super frustrated trying to translate how to do that tie or re-rig that predicament to work for a male bottom because easily 70% of the lifestyle event presenters are male Tops and/or like their demo subs with boobies, limber bodies, long hair and who can also take marks.

Those aren't the people that support my business.

Having those experienced women train us also meant that they had somewhat of an interest in our success. I hope that it makes those women as proud for me to say that they mentored me as it makes me proud to be able to thank them for their support and everything they taught me.

On the other hand, I've taken at least three classes from Midori, including her weekend Dojo intensive: I don't think she'll be posting on any message boards or blogs, "Yeah, Troy *rocks*! Huzzah!" Midori's also not ever going to make as much money for me as I've made for her raving about the Dojo. On the other hand, I share clients with pretty much all of the women who mentored me because we all refer our clients to each other. Domme referrals are a significant part of my business.

I am very happy to do what I can to support and mentor the women in this community who show a sincere interest in developing their business and their skills as a professional Mistress -- just as the women who helped me did so generously and graciously. This is our community, our union even. We work really hard at an incredibly challenging and demanding job. The more we help each other, the more we ALL benefit.

I think the people who think of it as Dommes "training their competition" kinda miss the point. The competitive atmosphere that exists both within the Domme community and as imposed on it by clients is ... well, useless, really. "She the best _____ in the scene today!" Really? What does that mean? For whom?

The "best" Domme is simply the one that's best FOR YOU. Period. She might not be able to tie a shoelace, but if she makes your little sub heart go potato-potato and all your kinky fantasies come true, then she is gonna be The Best Domme as far as you're concerned. As long as I'm managing my business correctly, I should never have to worry about "competition." If my client finds someone else who fulfills his needs better: Mazel Tov! The clients who are right for me will find me when they're the right client for me. When they stop being the right client for me, I'll refer them to my colleagues who I think might be right for them.

Having been mentored by my fellow professional Dominas also means I learned a lot about the ins and outs of the business. Lifestyle players can teach me how to play lifestyle, scene educators can teach me about lots of different aspects of play, from how to negotiate a scene to skill sets to aftercare, but the best advice on how to be a ProDomme is going to come from other ProDommes in my market who are serving my client pool. They're gonna teach me about when to watch a clock and when not to. When to negotiate my Tribute, how, and with whom. How to balance my income and expenses and asset management. How to take care of my taxes and savings. How to assess the cost of a scene, both emotionally/psychologically as well as financially. Some of them are even going to, by example, show me what NOT to do.

Fact is, I've got a pretty great business. I've 4 1/2 years as a ProDomme, 3 1/2 as an Independent. I have my own space, a mess o' gear and high quality equipment, my finances are in order, I'm growing my savings, and I have zero debt. I may not be The. Best. Domme. Anywhere. Ever. but I'm here and I'm doin' alright for myself. And that's because not only did I have the desire to learn and succeed, but I had the support of many incredible, generous, talented professional Independent Dominas, including:

Domina M, Mistress Wynter, HarleQuinn, Mistress Yin, Suzanne SxySadist, Mistress Avalon, Mistress Ariana Chevalier, Cassandra DeVille, Mistress Morgana, Simone Kross, and Amanda Wildefyre.

Ladies, I thank you.

They're here! They're here!

So I know I said I wasn't going to buy any new gear until after summer but two people -- one anonymous and one not -- generously purchased a few things for me recently. Now it's all arrived.

First was the Studio Gum Multifunction Mask. This piece is sick. Heavy rubber hood with a zip over gas mask. I also got the "bubbler" inhaler attachment to go with it. The idea being the bottle is filled with ... whatever fragrant liquid I like and then the hose is attached to the mask and the wearer's every breath gets filtered through that liquid. Serious Bondage has a great post about that Bubbler Bottle (you'll have to click through a few entry pages before the article shows up).

I talked with a few of my gas mask loving friends and spent a fair amount of time this morning talking with rubberist and bondage expert Ariana Chevalier about some of the finer points of using this intense, intimidating, incredible hood. My oh my. A loving Thank You to Yin, Delano, Darla, and Ariana for your invaluable tips and feedback and heartfelt gratitude to the very, very kinky man who put this in my hands.

My other shipment was my wishlist from Scott Paul Designs. I'm now the proud owner of his "Click a Cuff" bondage system (finally I have a rigid spreader bar!) as well as the blindfold and assorted gags, including the Humilator gag serving tray and toilet tissue holder.

Last night, I had the opportunity to test drive a few of the pieces in a preliminary run. Ohhhh, yes. Wow. Not only are Scott's pieces really portable, lightweight, and beautiful. They're functional. I had my bottom in the spreaderbar for a pretty serious thrashing and it was the first time I ever had a bottom not wriggle his feet around like one can in most spreaderbars. (Now, spreader bars finally make sense to me!) The serving tray gag supported a glass of wine quite nicely (though my bottom reported a lot of jaw stress under the weight, which I don't think is a bad thing. Quite part of the fun, I suspect.)

I still have to run the set through some more field testing, but so far, I'm super excited. Delighted. To whoever my "secret admirer" is ... thank you. (And while I normally don't like mysteries, I have to say, I'm enjoying the whodunnit? thing here. It's such a generous gift and yet the giver's not trying to get credit for it. Very sexy.)

Fortunately, it appears I'll have plenty of opportunities this week to play with my new stuff. I am so blessed and appreciate all of you -- fellow Dominas, clients, gift givers, blog commenters, scene friends -- for your presence and influence. I couldn't be happier.

Ephemera

Just some random bits from my life, my thoughts. Like Twitter, but a little more fleshed out.

*Talked with Suzanne SxySadist today and realized we had a little space in our schedule during her visit next weekend. So we're thinking it'd be awfully sweet of us to fill it with a double session or two. Speaking of super Suze, she's been getting me all hot and bothered and inspired with her blog this past week. Check it out.

*I've been tying Carrick Bends (called a Double Coin Knot by 2KnottyBoys) in all the sashes on my skirts and pants lately. It's pretty ... and I hope some rope lover on the street will notice.

*A heartfelt Thank You to my anonymous donor for the store credit as well as to my fellow perv for your unexpected generosity.

*I wore shimmery gold Nippies while sunbathing on Cedar Beach in Babylon, Long Island and now I have these pale butterflies dancing on my sunburned chest. I'd never been to any of Long Island's beaches (except the occasional concert at Jones Beach). Never been to the Hamptons or Montauk or Fire Island. The water was unpleasantly cold no matter how unbearably hot I was.

*Instead of going to yoga on Saturday, I went to the Big Apple Barbecue Festival in Madison Square Park. I loved seeing my food friends. I met a new one and we got to talking and walking and next thing I know we're at my studio. For a seen it all, done it all kinda guy he sure was surprised to see what was inside. Afterwards I rode my bike to a friend's place and spent the rest of the afternoon unspooling rope and sipping on coconut ginger smoothies. Thanks, axe, for dinner. You're welcome for the Beard Papa.

*Friday night I was out with my food friends at an industry party. I sipped martinis and danced to Madonna/Justin. One said to me "Girl, you need to get out more often. You was partying like it's been too long!" I'm embarrassed it was so obvious but on the other hand, I had a great time. Four minutes to save the world ... or at least me.

Speaking of pop ... is Rihanna a closeted domme or does she just play one on TV?
Evidence 1 (Though who doesn't want to Top Adam Levine?)
Evidence 2 (mostly lyrics) ("You look so dumb right now...")
Evidence 3 (check the wallpaper!)
Evidence 4 (Shut up and drive!)
Evidence 5 (ballet boots?! spiked gloves!?! leather halter shorts!?!)
I saw her perform at MSG a few weeks ago and her backup dancers were in latex catsuits, there was simulated spanking, she had on a super-dommy outfit... You didn't even have to be a scenester to recognize it. MVX and I were discussing this the other day, trying to figure out if this is all coming from her or just styling: "Maybe we'll find out if she breaks up with Chris Brown and he goes public about their sex life. 'My life as Rihanna's sex slave: An OK! EXCLUSIVE!'"

*A friend sent me a link for InHerTube. I don't have a tire fetish or even care much for dildos, but I want that hand harness! (The boot harness could be pretty cool too. Give "ass kicking" a whole new meaning, no?)

That's all for now. Feel free to add your own bits.

Thank Yous...

There've been a few of you who've taken it upon yourselves to "do as Mistress does" or something and hide your identity when sending me gifts, thus denying me the pleasure of thanking you personally.

So I guess I'll do it here...

Thank you for the Heroes, the Nano-nano, and the good books. Merci for the CD; I also ooh-la-la'ed over the demi vins and the blueberry buzz-buzz-buzz (as did the airport security lady... heheh).

Mostly just thanks to all of you for all of your support, good energy, and surrender. You're why I'm here and I'm so happy for it.

Why I'm Thankful

Since it's Thanksgiving, I want to make sure that you know how grateful I am to all of you who have touched my life in a positive way this past year. Not a day goes by that I don't take a moment to appreciate how blessed my life has been and how fortunate I am to do this work.

To my clients: your presence in my BDSM journey is the best gift you can give me. I am so honored to have the privilege of playing with you. Your surrender inspires me, amazes me, and brings me so much joy. Thank you.

And a very, very special thanks to ... well, you know who you are.