Mostly Dead and Read

Lifted and reprinted with my notations from Roxi Fox's blog.

FWIW I have no idea who or what "The Big Read" is but I'm appalled there's no Toni Morrison on here. Or DeLillo. Or Walker Percy. Or "The Sheltering Sky." Or "The Corrections." Or "Their Eyes Were Watching God." I thought Jonathan Safran Foer's "Everything is Illuminated" was a wonder. Ditto "The Hours." And if you're going to include kids' lit, where's "A Wrinkle in Time" or "Bridge to Terabithia"?!? There are easily a dozen more books/authors that I could name right now that really ought to be on this list instead of "The Secret History" (which is one of those weird books, like "Geek Love" that I seem to see on everyone's bookshelf). I'm a little more in favor of Time Magazine's list, personally (it was the first to come in when I Googled "100 best books of all time"). Not sure what my notations below say about me. Probably mostly that I stopped reading books regularly around 1998 and that I clearly have something against the Russians.

I promise I'll write substantively about kink again soon. Got a couple of posts in the works, in fact. :-)



The Big Read reckons that the average adult has only read 6 of the top 100 books they’ve printed.

1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicize those you started but did not finish.
3) Underline the books you LOVE.
4) Reprint this list in your own blog so we can try and track down these people who’ve read less than 6 and force books upon them.

1. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2. The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3. Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4. Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5. To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6. The Bible
7. Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8. Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9. His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10. Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11. Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12. Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13. Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14. Complete Works of Shakespeare
15. Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16. The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17. Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18. Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19. The Time Traveller's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20. Middlemarch - George Eliot
21. Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22. The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23. Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24. War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25. The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26. Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27. Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28. Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29. Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30. The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31. Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32. David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33. Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34. Emma - Jane Austen
35. Persuasion - Jane Austen
36. The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37. The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38. Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39. Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40. Winnie the Pooh -
41. Animal Farm - George Orwell
42. The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43. One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44. A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45. The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46. Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47. Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48. The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
49. Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50. Atonement - Ian McEwan
51. Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52. Dune - Frank Herbert
53. Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54. Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55. A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56. The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57. A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58. Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60. Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61. Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62. Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63. The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64. The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65. Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66. On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67. Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68. Bridget Jones' Diary - Helen Fielding
69. Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
70. Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71. Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72. Dracula - Bram Stoker
73.The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74. Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75. Ulysses - James Joyce
76. The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77. Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78. Germinal - Emile Zola
79. Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80. Possession - AS Byatt
81. A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82. Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83. The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84. The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85. Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86. A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87. Charlotte's Web - EB White
88. The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89. Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90. The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91. Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92. The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93. The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94. Watership Down - Richard Adams
95. A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96. A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97. The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98. Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100. Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

What Goes Around Comes Around

One of the things I love about my BDSM practice is how it's always evolving and changing. Scenes or activities that may have been mainstays at one point may fade out and be replaced by another "favorite thing" which then cycles out for the next activity, which may be new or may be a revisit of a previous focus.

Right now, I'm rediscovering my love for flogging, which was one of the first implement-driven corporal scenes I learned. I was taught by Domina M, an admirable flogger. I was mesmerized by the way the tails swirled in her hands as she Florentine flogged (that's double flogging with a whip in each hand. There's a crappy demo here.) As I learned other corporal techniques, however, flogging just became one of those things I did as a warm up for other implements. "It's like shiatsu," I'd shrug when describing it to someone.

While at Shibaricon this past May, however, I took a side trip to the International Mr. Leather conference going on in downtown Chicago. Heartwood was vending there and I picked up a gorgeous, thuddy double elk flogger that just felt like home as soon as it was in my hand. Compared to my other floggers ... well, it just doesn't compare. I love throwing it. It feels amazing.

So that was the tinder for my renewed interest. Several weeks later I had a conversation with MVX (who bought several Heartwood floggers on that trip herself) about flogging and she started describing the pleasure she gets out of a flogging scene:

I like it a lot. I like the physicality of it, the rhythm of it. I like how it affects breathing. I like how it can be done for a long time. I like how it can dial up or down in intensity. It's very accessible. I like how it has a kind of trancey quality to it. In my experience, upper back flogging makes people cry more than anything else.

I started thinking about ritualistic flogging like Victoria was describing and it was really appealing. But because I'd been using flogging so much as just an appetizer for the main course (usually singletail), I just couldn't see how the bottom wouldn't be bored getting flogged, "Yeah, yeah. I'm warmed up. C'mon! Bring the heat!"

Then a friend of mine was talking with me about corporal and commented that since he's a switch but mostly bottoms in his personal relationship, he doesn't get a chance to corporal Top much. "I really love to throw but now think I'm getting rusty cause I never get to do it," he said.

Thinking about my new flogger and how I like to bottom to all my corporal toys just so I know how each instrument feels when I'm dishing it out ... and still wondering about what it's like to be on the receiving end of a long flogging, I suggested he practice on me for a bit.

He skillfully took me through my entire flogger collection (clearly, flogging's like riding a bicycle...) and not only was I not bored, I just didn't want it to end. It IS like shiatsu ... and, you know, shiatsu feels GOOD! Though I have to admit some of my floggers felt better than others. I really want to get more Heartwood floggers (I hope they're vending at Floating World next weekend!) because the quality is just exceptional.

And that, my dears, is why you shouldn't be surprised if I pull out the floggers on your next visit.

Good Times, Good Times...

Those last few weeks of July kept me hoppin' in the studio. Realizing this past week was going to be fairly light, I decided to take the week off. Besides, my neck, shoulders, and back have both been addled by some kinks lately that definitely feel far more intrinsic than artistic so I figured a bit of relaxation would help.

Tuesday night I met up with MVX and we dropped in at the bar at Scarpetta, a recent fave, for dinner (great timing, great choice: the next day Scarpetta earned three stars from the NYTimes. Bruni is totally right about the tomato, btw...). After fritto misto, beet salad, and polenta with truffled mushrooms, we met up with a vanilla friend of mine at Union Square and we all went over to my studio to play Boggle.

I mentioned I was going to Barcelona again in September.

"But I won't be going to bars, alone-a," I giggled. I'd had a lot of wine.
"As long as you're not wearing anything Gaudi."
"Jamon! Who do you think I am?!"
"Serrano!"
"After Spain, I might go visit my friend in Brussels ... but I'm waffling."
"I'm a-Frites of what might happen..."
"Just don't leave any Bruges, Troy."
"Can't say I give a good Van Damme if I do."
"Well, have fun a-Ramblas through Europe!"

And, yes, I won the Boggle game.

Swamp Yankee

One of my readers was kind enough to point out recently that "Swamp Yankee," a phrase I jokingly use to refer to my "cultural background" does not actually mean what I say it does.

Harrumph! And I have such a strong appreciation (one might even call it a fetish) for linguistic precision.

I ain't changin' it though. Nyah!

Teamwork

I was having drinks with a man at a rooftop bar recently. Next to us was a group of business folks, though the man immediately next to us seemed quite left out of his group's conversation and apparently quite interested in mine.

"Excuse me, I don't mean to interrupt, but what did you just say?" he asked me.

I glanced at my companion, just to make sure he was up for engagement. He was.

Crossing my bare legs and letting the sandal dangle from my foot, I turned back to the fellow and repeated myself, "I said that I'm undateable."

Nosy looked baffled, "I find that hard to believe. Why....why... what do you mean?" He looked at my companion. "I'm sorry. I really don't mean to get into your conversation. But I'm just very curious. Do you mind?"

"Sure, feel free to talk to her," he said. "I should warn you - sometimes you walk into something thinking that you're the cowboy in a cowboy movie. Turns out you are the cowboy, only you're in a vampire movie. And you're lunch."

Grinning, I turned to Nosy. "Hi, cowboy. "

Training Days: Some Background

Because I'm loathe to join Sugasm just to heighten my post count and I really do want to give y'all more stuff to read and respond to (I *LOVE* my commenters!!!!), I've decided to start reposting some of my more defining contributions to The Hang at Max Fisch for further reflection and discussion (esp. since there are quite a few of you who never set foot in the place ... not that I blame you). If you're familiar with my writing over there and there's a particular post of mine that stands out for you, please send me a link so I can consider republishing it here.

******

Someone on Max had asked about why there didn't seem to be many independent Dommes training newer Dommes these days. Initially I replied that that was exactly how I came up in the Pro scene, thanks to the time, generosity, and effort of several of the country's well-respected and established professional Dominas. I continue to be influenced by many of them in my practice and still will still seek out their feedback and advice. While the OP seemed to believe that sort of thing no longer goes on, I'm pleased to say that I know several young Dommes who have found mentors and educators from senior members of our professional community. Some folks simply don't need to advertise the fact.

A few posters took issue with the idea that up and coming Dommes needed to be trained by Indies in order to learn anything, that the larger BDSM community was more than capable of teaching them the necessary skills via various public workshops, retreats, and conferences.

This was my reply.

While I have attended a few lifestyle events (Black Rose, Shibaricon (2x)) and workshops (various DSF/TES programs, seminars at Purple Passion, Midori's rope dojo) and I've also done some private consultations with scene pros such as Delano, Scott Smith, Max of Seattle, and others, what I learned there was practically a different universe than what I gained from my apprenticeship and mentoring relationships with active, independent NYC Dommes.

When Domina M started Luxuria, one of the smartest things she did, in my opinion, was to bring in some of the city's most successful and reputable professional female Dominas with proven skills and experience to teach her apprentices. This did a couple of things:

First, we got to see how this stuff really worked in a pro scene, often practicing on active clients (not video hos or houseboys but men who actually pay for sessions with professional Mistresses on a regular basis.). Because I trained mostly on clients, I learned how to play with clients. Men who can't take marks. Who don't have 'leather ass.' Who aren't young or bendy or just willing to endure anything cause they're just so damn happy to have pretty women paying attention to them. I learned how to talk with, negotiate, and understand men who have professional relationships with ProDommes (as opposed to, say, house slaves and personals who have a very different connection to Mistresses). I learned to respect these men who seek our services: what their needs are, what's important to them, what makes them come back. It was market research as much as it was skill development. I can't thank those men enough for their invaluable feedback.

TES and Shibaricon are great and I've learned a lot in those workshops, but I also get super frustrated trying to translate how to do that tie or re-rig that predicament to work for a male bottom because easily 70% of the lifestyle event presenters are male Tops and/or like their demo subs with boobies, limber bodies, long hair and who can also take marks.

Those aren't the people that support my business.

Having those experienced women train us also meant that they had somewhat of an interest in our success. I hope that it makes those women as proud for me to say that they mentored me as it makes me proud to be able to thank them for their support and everything they taught me.

On the other hand, I've taken at least three classes from Midori, including her weekend Dojo intensive: I don't think she'll be posting on any message boards or blogs, "Yeah, Troy *rocks*! Huzzah!" Midori's also not ever going to make as much money for me as I've made for her raving about the Dojo. On the other hand, I share clients with pretty much all of the women who mentored me because we all refer our clients to each other. Domme referrals are a significant part of my business.

I am very happy to do what I can to support and mentor the women in this community who show a sincere interest in developing their business and their skills as a professional Mistress -- just as the women who helped me did so generously and graciously. This is our community, our union even. We work really hard at an incredibly challenging and demanding job. The more we help each other, the more we ALL benefit.

I think the people who think of it as Dommes "training their competition" kinda miss the point. The competitive atmosphere that exists both within the Domme community and as imposed on it by clients is ... well, useless, really. "She the best _____ in the scene today!" Really? What does that mean? For whom?

The "best" Domme is simply the one that's best FOR YOU. Period. She might not be able to tie a shoelace, but if she makes your little sub heart go potato-potato and all your kinky fantasies come true, then she is gonna be The Best Domme as far as you're concerned. As long as I'm managing my business correctly, I should never have to worry about "competition." If my client finds someone else who fulfills his needs better: Mazel Tov! The clients who are right for me will find me when they're the right client for me. When they stop being the right client for me, I'll refer them to my colleagues who I think might be right for them.

Having been mentored by my fellow professional Dominas also means I learned a lot about the ins and outs of the business. Lifestyle players can teach me how to play lifestyle, scene educators can teach me about lots of different aspects of play, from how to negotiate a scene to skill sets to aftercare, but the best advice on how to be a ProDomme is going to come from other ProDommes in my market who are serving my client pool. They're gonna teach me about when to watch a clock and when not to. When to negotiate my Tribute, how, and with whom. How to balance my income and expenses and asset management. How to take care of my taxes and savings. How to assess the cost of a scene, both emotionally/psychologically as well as financially. Some of them are even going to, by example, show me what NOT to do.

Fact is, I've got a pretty great business. I've 4 1/2 years as a ProDomme, 3 1/2 as an Independent. I have my own space, a mess o' gear and high quality equipment, my finances are in order, I'm growing my savings, and I have zero debt. I may not be The. Best. Domme. Anywhere. Ever. but I'm here and I'm doin' alright for myself. And that's because not only did I have the desire to learn and succeed, but I had the support of many incredible, generous, talented professional Independent Dominas, including:

Domina M, Mistress Wynter, HarleQuinn, Mistress Yin, Suzanne SxySadist, Mistress Avalon, Mistress Ariana Chevalier, Cassandra DeVille, Mistress Morgana, Simone Kross, and Amanda Wildefyre.

Ladies, I thank you.

Leather

I was strolling from the chiropractor's near the Museum of Natural History, down to Magnolia Bakery's UWS outpost and stopped by Housing Works just to see what kind of stuff they had. A few weeks ago, I'd browsed the wares at the Chelsea store and marveled at how many leather skirts were on sale there. The UWS version was cluttered not only with leather skirts, but an actual bullwhip!

***

My friend was at my studio the other day and found herself face deep in my Fetters whipping bench. She later wrote me: " I <3 your spanking bench -- it is soooo soft." It is. John of Fetters picked out the leather specifically for me. It's an incredible lot. Plus, when your face goes in the cradle you're just engulfed in the smell of leather. So sensual.

***

I've been wearing leather a lot lately. Those few of you who turned up at the most recent Cat O' Nine might have seen me in my leather tank top and ... hot pants!

But not just for fetish parties!

My favorite ensemble of late is a leather miniskirt with a center front zip and corset lacing in the back and either a leather top or one of my signature boy beater Tees. I've also been wearing my leather dresses and corsets (though that's really more medical than anything). Quite fun.